Life and Chosen Family- And A Wedding

Two of our closest  friends are getting married. They've been together for nearly 15 years, and have two amazing children together. Calling them friends will never encompass what they really are to us. It's not an exaggeration to say we're closer to them than to either of our families. My in-laws are some of my favorite people, so that is a pretty high bar. 

Today, I had the opportunity to take the bride to pick out a wedding perfume. It was my idea to buy this for her, and I was surprised by how excited she was about it. She had her youngest child with her, who's a brilliant, funny and independent three year old. 

We spent four hours looking for the right perfume, and fought off many, many, M A N Y sales associates. (I'm never going into another Dillard's as long as I live- we literally snuck out of there while being pursued by sales people!)

My disabilities have prevented me from doing something like this for a long time. My partner didn't join us, which makes it a tremendous undertaking for me. The agoraphobia hasn't been controlled enough for me to do something like this in at least 10 years, but probably several years longer than that. 

I am having a high-ish pain day, so medication and lidocaine patches were absolutely on board, as were the mobility aids. Today, I did not have a panic attack. While the bride is absolutely one of my favorite people, she hasn't been on the very short list of 'safe people' in terms of the agoraphobia. I truly was worried I would be completely unable to function when today came, and I'm still very much processing that I was able to do all of this. 

We went to four different stores in the mall, and our noses may be permanently out of order after all the perfumes we smelled. 

Today, I was able to go to the mall without my safe person, and buy one of my favorite people Tiffany & Love perfume set to wear on her wedding day. She tried to tell me no because of the price, but I was ready to spend twice as much on her gift as I did. I'm so happy to be able to do this for her. 

I know that not everyone is making the fuss over her big day like she deserves, but I'll be damned if I don't do what I'm able to make it special for her. She repeatedly thanked me, and told me she wanted me to know she really did appreciate it. The thing is, I've dealt with enough people who were users and felt entitled to me doing everything humanly possible (and then some) for them and serving it to them on a silver platter. It took me entirely too long to recognize that kind of behavior as problematic and learn to set boundaries. It's honestly embarrasing how long that took me. My friend the bride has absolutely never expected anything from me, and has made a ton of effort to show me she cares about me, even when it was absolutely not her responsibility. 

I honestly could not be happier for my friends. I cannot wait to see them get married, and they're even using the same officiant/celebrant that my partner and I had marry us.  

Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. T, I love you both, and I'm so grateful to get to celebrate you two. 

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