Life and, you guessed it, more Family

A little over a month ago now, I think, oldest cousin reached out about an event she had seen me mark "interested" to on Facebook and asked if I would be interested in going to that with her. Obviously, the answer was an enthusiastic yes, especially since it would require her to drive to my area, and she had initiated these plans. 

So, we went to our event, and it was the first one on one time we've spent together since reconnecting. I fought back tears so many times, there were so many wonderful exchanges and moments, and I'm so grateful for her and for this chance it's honestly just ridiculous. 

Both she and her mama reached out after the fact, and it means so much to me. Just seeing one of their names pop up in my notifications is this beacon of "I HAVE FAMILY!" in my heart, and words really can't express the amount of joy and gratitude I've felt today. 

Oldest cousin (which really isn't terribly accurate, but whatever) has offered me a really wonderful family heirloom that I'm going to accept. It made me absolutely bawl when she first offered it to me, and it's so kind and so perfect. 

She met all of our dogs today, including our skittish girl who's not at all interested in or trusting of new people, and skittish girl even accepted a treat from her. I'm so proud, honestly. Skittish girl has been doing lots of work on herself lately, and had several new challenges around her anxiety. She's not always ready to get beyond her fear, but she always tries her best and has never bit or nipped or even growled at anyone, despite one of my in-laws who did not respect her space the first time meeting her. I'm very proud of her and I tell her that every day. 

The others did pretty well meeting oldest cousin, though one had to take themselves on several breaks because it was just too exciting.  

I know the hope and joy and gratitude will be swallowed by the anxiety and trauma again before too long, but I wish I could bathe in these feelings forever. I love oldest cousin so much, I wonder if this is how people from healthy families feel about their siblings. Nobody has ever made this much effort and given me this much love and support before. Having my family back has filled a hole in my heart that nobody else (alive, anyway) ever could've. 

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