Life And FAMILY!!

I met up with my cousin yesterday, after decades of not seeing them. 

I talked a little more than I intended to, mostly out of excitement and anxiety, but we got along very well. After the fact, I had a bit of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (even though I was not at all rejected). I was talking it through with my partner, discussing possible plans for the future, and so on, and mostly trying to quell the fear of losing the family I just found after so long, when I got a text message. My cousin text me saying they loved seeing me and they're not letting me go again. 

I ugly cried for a solid half an hour. I finally have family who's choosing me after all these years, and it honestly filled a place in my heart that I've been trying to fill for most of my life. 

It occurred to me yesterday that I've been so scared of being seen as "the weirdo" because it has always lead to rejections, but now maybe I have the chance to be the weirdo and be accepted anyway. I might not have to choose between being happy and being loved. 

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