The Uphill Life

When I say I've never gotten anything the easy way, I mean it. 

I've been Autistic since before birth, and it took me over three decades and one hell of a lot of work to get that diagnosis, and finally, formally, get a name to put to the battle I've had to fight. I got the parents who wanted to beat it out of me, despite it being largely genetic and I can pinpoint how it came to run through my veins with no trouble at all. 

I wasn't naive because I hadn't been through shit, believe you me, but now I know it was part of my neuro type, part of my disability, and people continually and repeatedly took advantage of that for their own benefit. They took advantage of my non-verbal episodes, sometimes inflicting or inciting them for their own benefit. Every fucking hammer I ever came across saw me as nothing but a damned nail, and treated me as such, and I'm so fucking angry about it. 

I don't know how or if I can undo that habit of wanting to see the good in others by simply being aware of it, but I would wipe my soul of that ability if I could. I would wipe my soul of the filth they smeared on it even faster. 

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